Lingerie Shopping
A man goes to a high-profile lingerie store. After looking through several nightgowns and corsets he decides to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit. “This is $200,” she says. “I want one that’s more sheer,” says he. “This one is $350.” “I want it even more sheer than that.” “This one is the most sheer that we have. It’s $500.” “I’ll take it!”
The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, “Go put this on and come down to model it for me.”
His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, “This thing is so see-through that the old coot won’t even notice if I’m wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won’t know the difference.” So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. “So, how do you like it?” she asks.
He looks at her a moment and says, “Well, you’d think for $500 they’d iron the thing.”
Esther and Sylvia meet in heaven and Sylvia asks Esther how she died. Esther tells her that she froze to death but it was very peaceful; at first it was uncofortable, then it hurt for a while and then she went to sleep and woke up in heaven. She asked Sylvia how she died. Sylvia said that she suffered a massive heart attack and it was the most painful thing she ever endured. Esther asked how it happened and Sylvia said that she had been convinced that her husband was having an affair so one day she came home early from work but found her husband alone. She was so convinced that there was a woman in the house that she ran all over looking for her; from the basement to the attic and everywhere in between. It was just too much for her heart to take. Esther said "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive!
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